I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
