Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
