I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
