Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
