I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
