and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
