Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
