it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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