end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You may now shotgun with the bride
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
