apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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