brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
In other news, I just burned my penis
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
