it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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