he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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