I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
