you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you win again, gameday.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
