he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
