She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
