The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
