I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
