It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
