if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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