Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
