yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize