it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
