Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
