Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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