this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
