This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
