literally had 100 drinks last night.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
pop tarts are not kleenex
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
