my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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