Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Still dying that you shit outside
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
