Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
