if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
