Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
