Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
