I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
