we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
