I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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