There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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