I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
