The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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