when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
