I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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