you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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