do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
