Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
