3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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