Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
