The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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