We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
