i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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