Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
