i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
