And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
