sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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