woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
