I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
