Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
